Notes from April

    In one of the journal entries I did four years ago, I wrote how April is always the most interesting of my summer months. Fast forward to April 2021, I'd say that my previous sentiment about April remains to be true. Unlike March and May, I noticed that I feel really productive and motivated to do a lot of things during the month of April. As much as I want my productivity and motivation to be equally distributed per month, life doesn't work that way. So instead of whining about it, I might as well enjoy this 30-day blessing by writing about the things I discovered (and rediscovered) this month.

Music

1. Rolling in the Deep
2. Don't Let Him Waste Your Time
3. The Rutles 
4. He Never Mentioned Love
5. Fire and Rain
6. Muswell Hillbilly
7. I'm A Dreamer
8. Paths of Victory

Movies/ Series/Documentaries

1. The Ripper- This Netflix documentary series recalls the story of the Yorkshire Ripper who killed around 13 women in Northern England during the late 1970s. As always, the topics of Netflix documentaries are diverse and interesting. 
2. Monty Python and The Holy Grail- This movie never fails to make me laugh and as a result, I spent several afternoons watching this movie over and over. What I like about this movie is that it was based on the legend of King Arthur.  As someone who likes to nerd about the Medieval Europe,  the scenes were funny to watch. Some scenes even look realistic, it makes you think about the lives of ordinary people during the Medieval Period. 
3. The Rutles: All You Need is Cash- I discovered this movie thanks to my Monty Python afternoon sessions. This movie is a mockumentary about the The Beatles. As a Beatle fan, watching the movie was engaging because aside from watching them make fun of your favourite band, you're also looking for funny references.
4. Random TV Shows on Cable TV- It's been ages since the last time I spent my time watching random shows on cable tv. This activity used to occupy most of my time, especially when I was younger and I did not have my own computer and phone. The chance to discover interesting tv shows reminded me of how watching tv encouraged me to discover the world outside our house.This month, I enjoyed  watching the Mr. Bean Animated Series. I used to not like the animated series since I  prefer the live action series, but the newer episodes of the animated series were interesting. I never thought of Mr. Bean as an ingenious and kind character until I watched several episodes of the animated series. 

Books

1. Every Young Woman's Battle- I found this at our local BookSale one Monday morning. Despite some negative reviews on Goodreads, I enjoyed reading this book. I know some might not agree with the idea of sexual purity before marriage, but there's no denying that this book discussed important points to ponder especially when it comes to relationships. Actually, what I liked most about this book is that it encourages it readers to get a life of their own and not to anchor their happiness on someone else. 
2. Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis: The Untold Story- I'm yet to finish this book because I did not expect this biography to be long. So far, I enjoyed reading this book because it gives the readers an idea about the lives of American aristocrats during the 1930s to 1950s. In a way, the book somehow reminds me of the character from Taylor Swift's The Last Great American Dynasty. 
3. Persuasion- I started reading this after discovering a fanfiction loosely inspired by this book. I'm yet to finish this book since I struggle with how the sentences were written since it's not everyday that I read classic books. Despite the challenge of reading Persuasion, what I like about this book is that it serves as a crash course on English society.
4. Stainless Longganisa- Reading this book wasn't intentional at all. I just reached for this book one morning when I had to go to a clinic for a check-up. While waiting, I began reading this book and was surprised because the book started with a short anecdote about pens. After reading several pages, I'd say that this book is a great for when you're waiting in line or spending an afternoon in the park. If people watching is not your thing, this book is a great alternative.

Three Summer Tales

    Growing up, I loved and loathed the summer season. Loved it because it was my time away from school and loathed it because I had to stay at home and amuse myself with things other than books and notebooks. Although summer activities were enticing, I always felt detached from them. I always wanted to spend my summer days somewhere, and not to do something.

    I used to spend my summer days looking at the sky and wondering about life somewhere else. The "somewhere else" depended on what I was feeling at the moment. Once, I imagined myself in Paris eating macarons and watching people at the riverbanks. The other summer, I was swimming in the middle of Atlantic ocean and wondering how to survive in case a boat capsizes. Summer thoughts somewhere far served as my escape from the idleness of my situation. 

    Now that I'm older and summer vacation is nothing but a souvenir from my younger years, I'm starting to crave for the "summer spirit" that used to make me go nuts. I never thought I'd be nostalgic about summer, but here I am now- writing about how ageing made me sentimental about the hot and sunny Philippine summers.

Summer # 1

    Once upon a time, it was a sunny Sunday morning of April when I saw my classmate attending the same Eucharistic celebration. I was around 13 years old when that happened and although I can't remember the colour of the shirt I was wearing, it was one of the memorable summer Sundays I had. It was during the time when Sundays used to make me melancholic about life. Thus, to see a classmate inside the church was comforting.

    I'm not entirely sure why seeing my classmate felt comforting. I guess it had to do with the fact that I miss going to school that seeing a person I associate with school made me a little emotional. Nevertheless, every time I feel overwhelmed whenever I am surrounded by many people, which happens when you're inside the church, I always try to calm myself by imagining someone I know seated somewhere. 

Summer # 2

    The summer after I graduated from high school was depressing. The thought of leaving behind a few friends made me unsure of what lies ahead. Coming from a small school and a sheltered background made it very difficult for me to adapt to the changes brought by my circumstances. To ease my anxiety, I discovered one of the books my aunt bought for us- Carol Weston' Melanie in Manhattan.

    Although the book was intended for middle school students, reading the journey of Melanie's life in New York City became the antidote to my anxiety. I was never interested about New York City, but that book convinced me to appreciate what the city has to offer- museums, pizzas, and different neighbourhoods. In a way, I'd like to consider this book as instrumental in encouraging me to learn more about the city. Last year, I read an autobiography of a city's native and my understanding of the city, thanks to Melanie in Manhattan, made the autobiography more interesting.

    Around the same time, I also received a sketchbook as a graduation gift. I initially wanted a pencil set, however I had no idea as to how to use pencils with different grades, so I settled with just a sketchbook. Since I can't draw, I used the sketchbook as my practice notebook for hand lettering and calligraphy. It became the start of annually summer sketchbook purchase. 

Summer # 3

    The annual summer extravaganza lasted until I started working. Instead of buying sketchbooks and practicing my hand lettering skills, my jump from being a student to being a working individual shifted my priorities to purchasing notebooks for my random ramblings. These days, I indulge myself with documentaries about monarchies and reflections about the extraordinariness of mundane things.

     

Journal Scans from 2020

 Several weeks ago, I had the chance to scan my journal notebooks from 2020. These journal scans reflect, not just my thoughts about 2020, but the different styles and notebooks I tried last year. I'd like to think that this whole endeavour is nothing but a great adventure- you discover something and you learn new ideas. Of course, there were not so good experiences, but what matters, especially in hindsight, was that I had the opportunity to develop a deeper relationship with writing and self-reflection.

1. Limelight Journal 

    Originally, I planned to make this dotted notebook as my bullet journal for 2020. However, when March began, I transformed this notebook as my Journal Notebook. Because I did not plan to use this as my journal notebook, I kind of struggled with the space since the notebook is bigger than the notebooks I usually use for my journals. It's one of the things I learned from this journal that I now apply every time I look for notebooks. Too much space is not my kind of ideal notebook.  

    As you can see on the scanned pages below, I experimented with different styles and decorations by using different colours of pens.The style is very cute and childish since I originally planned to deviate from my usual journaling styles- minimal and muted. Also, I got the inspiration for these entries from instagram accounts I used to follow. Although instagram inspirations are nice, you'll find out later how it also ruined my sense of self especially when it comes to my journals.

2. Lined Notebook

    This second notebook is a lined notebook I got from my friend, Sophia. She gave this to me around 2 years ago as a Christmas gift. Back then, we used to fangirl over a show, and she told me to use this notebook as a space where I can write fanfic ideas. Although it was nice to write stories, I used this notebook to write random things instead. Most of the things I wrote here were ideas I can't write on my journals such as late-night thoughts or random realisations while listening to my favourite songs.

    Despite the more laidback approach I used on this notebook, this is actually my most favourite of the three. The thing I learned from this notebook is to not take journaling very seriously. Sometimes, too much aesthetic inspiration and goals deviate us from the real purpose of why we are doing what we are doing. Following aesthetic goals, especially when it comes to journaling, I realised, is actually restrictive because it pressures me to follow a certain set of ideals for my work to be appreciated. Kind of pretentious if you'll ask me since the primary reason why I write is to write for myself, and not to write for somebody else. 

    The pressure of instagram inspiration is what forced me to delete my account and abandon my limelight journal for several months. As much as I appreciated instagram journal inspirations, I was pressured to have the same vibe/ aesthetic. To make things easier for me, I just deleted my instagram account and never looked back. 

3. Traveler's Notebook Refills

    As I mentioned in one of my previous post, using this notebook came as a surprise since I never really thought of using this again.  Also, I was already comfortable with doing laidback entries to go back and do decorative journal entries.  However, the art of the album called The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan inspired me to give this notebook and decorative journal entries a second chance. 

    Surprisingly, I enjoyed going back to the style that I'm very much familiar with. Vintage-inspired journal isn't just my comfort zone, but this kind of journal design was what I used to make when I began documenting my life around 5 years ago. Doing these entries feel like bringing all things back home- my inspirations, dreams, and love for writing. 

As for my 2021 Journals

    Of the three, it's the Limelight Journal that I've decided to not use for 2021. I initially wanted to continue using the journal since I bought another one last year. Sadly, since the start of the year, I only did 2 entries on my Limelight journal. I guess sometimes you just really have to accept that some things don't work out no matter how much effort and time you're willing to compromise to make things work- a life lesson I learned from Blood on the Tracks.

    As for the other notebooks, I'm happy to report that I still use them. In fact, I'm excited because I've already used 75% of the lined notebook's pages. I can't wait to look for another notebook to serve as my repository of random thoughts and observations because that means new opportunity to find love and happiness. As for my Traveler's Notebook Refills, I currently using a refill from a different brand. I'll probably write about it soon. 

Point Zero # 2 : America by First Aid Kit

This is Point Zero. In this series I will go back to  songs that furthered my musical education. Each blog post will discuss the roads that led me to discover some of my favourite artists and groups. This series will also reminisce the good old days coupled with some reflections along the way. 

    It was December 2018- my first Christmas as a working individual. In my line of work, the Christmas season is a stressful yet a very exciting part of the year. There are deadlines to meet before the Christmas break, but there are also several Christmas parties and gatherings to attend to. Foods and gifts are every where, it's so overwhelming.

    

    Out of all the foods, gifts, and the whatnots, what I like most about the Christmas season is the 2-week Christmas break. This 2-week break is an opportunity for everyone to go back to their senses and spend time with their loved ones. As for me, there were times during my Christmas break when I would go to shopping malls 2 days before Christmas just to watch people and amuse myself with Christmas displays. When I can't go somewhere, because I feel so overwhelmed with all the Christmas preparations, I would just spend hours watching videos or just writing stuff on my journal. The good all times.

    

    Since I began working 3 years ago, it's always the Christmas break of 2018 that I consider as the most memorable. I can still vividly remember how I spent my 2018 Christmas break watching my favourite Sherlock episode (The Abominable Bride) and gushing over First Aid Kit's version of a classic Simon & Garfunkel song called America.  Thankfully, whenever I feel nostalgic and want to relieve that specific period of my life, Youtube is just a click away.

    

    Prior to discovering First Aid Kit's version of America, I was already familiar with the Simon & Garfunkel's version. America is one of the first S&G song I discovered and it instantly became my favourite song from the duo. I always saw that song as a coming-of-age song- that one song to play when things are uncertain and you're starting to feel unsure of yourself and the path ahead of you. While I was reviewing for the board exams around June- July of 2018, I used to listen to that song over and over. It became some sort of a gentle reminder that if ever I'll flunk the board exam, I can still retake it the next year. I did not flunk the exam- thankfully- but I must admit I was totally scared when I was waiting for the board exam results.

    Back to First Aid Kit's version, it wasn't a "love at first sight" kind of relationship. I must admit I was hesitant to give their version a try because I love S&G's version.I rarely give cover versions a try especially when I'm already satisfied with the original versions, but what convinced me to listen to their version was my curiosity about the song's meaning. I wondered if the meaning of America will change if it is sung by female singers.

     

    It did change the meaning of the song for me. The song felt closer because it was comforting to hear female signers singing about something I can relate to. The thing is, as a young adult, it feels difficult to be in a situation where you don't know what you're going to do with your life. Three years ago, aside from the board exam results, I was really struggling with my first job- how I'm going to manage my finances and balance my time. The challenges of university life seemed smaller compared to the new challenges of being a worker, and to hear female singers telling you that you're not the only one stuck in that same situation- because everyone is -  was comforting. Although it did not entirely changed my situation, I felt a little less pressured about figuring things out. 

    

    The romantic aspect of this song- its lack of resolution- is a poignant reminder of the truth about our life's endeavours and adventures. We meet people, we plan our adventures with them, but like time, they'll slip away from us. At the end of the day, we have our own adventures to embark on, and we have to go through these adventures bringing with us the knowledge that the people we encounter along the way, although will help us discover ourselves, will not join our adventures forever. 

    Another life lesson from this song is about our relationship with our friends, families and lovers. Although it wasn't that emphasised in First Aid Kit's version, the song is actually a story of a young couple traveling their way to a new place and searching for their life outside their comfort zones. Towards the end of the song though, as a listener, you'll begin to wonder if the young couple will continue the adventure together. The adventure was an eye-opener for the lovers- especially for the narrator who realised that despite the comforts of being with a lover, the loneliness and emptiness of life still lingers. 

    

Geeking out over Makeup

 I never really thought of the wonders of makeup until this year. In the past, I used to feel really frustrated with makeup- it's a skill I can't get the hang of.  The fact that there's a lot of products available in the market makes makeup shopping overwhelming for me. Prior to the pandemic, I used to spend hours in the mall just thinking about which of the many makeup items I should buy. Most of these trips were frustrating because I always ended up buying products I never needed. 

    Staying at home for most of 2020 allowed me to have all the time to really think about my purchases- makeup purchases included. Surprisingly, the things that used to be so important lost their sparkle and relevance. I guess that's the wonder of being in a different environment- it forces you to reflect on your life decisions and allows you to trim down all the unnecessary things in your arsenal.

    In my case, I discovered that I don't need 75% of the makeup items I own. What makes it worse is the fact that I don't know how to dispose these items. How are you going to dispose items that you barely used? It pains to throw them out when someone somewhere could use it. But to whom should I give these items? By applying the "begin with the end in mind" mindset, I realised it's easier to prevent yourself from overspending when you know it'll make disposing decisions mentally challenging. To be honest, thinking about my makeup items in dumpsites and adding to the world's current garbage problem is scarier than feeling bad I don't have a new makeup product in my collection.

    I guess it also helps to keep pictures of people who wear less makeup but are still confident with who they are. By looking at these people, I began to develop a different perception about makeup and beauty. I realised that the purpose of makeup in my life is not to change my facial features, but to enhance what I have. Makeup should be an extension of who I am- how I see myself and how I want other people to see me. Makeup should make me feel good and not the other way around. 

    For this summer, I'll be using Francoise Hardy pictures as my makeup inspiration. For years, I've been an admirer of her early and mid-60s makeup looks. During my teenage years, I used to copy her signature eyeliner look but I abandoned my attempt after realising that winged liner doesn't look good on me. Now, I just try to achieve her no-makeup look by taking its essential characteristics and tweak it to suit my features and preferences.

Francoise's clean makeup look is perfect for the season because Philippine summer is so hot, you'll get sweaty in an instant. With that in mind, I've decided not to use foundation or tinted moisturiser on my face- I'll spot conceal instead. I will also use summer friendly colours on my lips and cheeks to achieve the summer glow Francoise is sporting on her pictures. Because Francoise's complexion is different from mine, I changed my cheek and lip colours to something that'll complement with my complexion.  

Although I'll be staying at home for most of the summer season, I'm still looking forward to opportunities that would allow me to apply this makeup look. This is an exciting endeavour I can't wait to explore and geek out in the future. Actually, I'm already looking forward to makeup looks to achieve in the coming months- that's how excited I am.