ARCHIVED # 1: You Were on My Mind and other songs

With the ease of travel restriction comes the desire to travel and walk away the blues. This year, I spent a considerable amount of time imagining myself spending a gloomy afternoon walking along the streets of Manila. Manila is not the most pedestrian-friendly place in the Philippines, but a Filipina must adapt to the realities of her country's urban planning failures. 

Playlist for when you want to walk away the blues

1. You Were on my Mind- Ian And Sylvia
2. Tomorrow is a Long Time- Sandy Denny
3. Gentle on My Mind- John Hartford
4. Evergreen- Birdy
5. Stay a While With Me- Sandy Denny and The Strawbs
6. Pine Trees- Jake Bugg

September is for writing and listening to Jarvis Cocker

LISTENING

The other day, I had a dream I was about to attend a Jarvis Cocker concert. I want to think that this "weird dream" was an effect of my enthusiasm over his upcoming album- an album full of 60s french pop covers. But it wasn't just his version of Christophe's Aline that got me into this Jarvis mode. This month, I spent most of my mornings listening to several tracks from his 2006 album called Jarvis. The songs Heavy Weather, Baby's Coming Back to Me, and the classic Running the World topped my monthly favorites. 

WRITING

As I mentioned in my previous post, I recently bought fountain pen inks, which led to purchasing several more under the excuse of "I'm buying this as a birthday gift."    

The name Monboddo's Hat sounds like it came from Harry Potter. Also, this colour combination reminds me of Ube-Tsokolate ice cream. 

Although purchasing inks hurt my wallet, it did inspire me to write more. I'm glad to report that  I finished a notebook in less than a  month, which is unusual for me. Usually, it would take me 6 months to a year to complete a notebook. But because I decided to trade my time on social media for something more valuable,  I wrote longer reflections than usual. I'm not sure if I could repeat the same next month, but who knows, maybe I could complete a notebook in 2 weeks. 

The morning sun looking really great

READING

To compensate for the lack of time I spent reading, I dedicated at least 30 minutes of my evenings reading a book. This month, I grabbed Waiting for Weekend as it's been on my bookshelf since 2019. This book tells the history of people's relationship with the weekend, which I never thought about. There's a chapter in which the author reminisced about his weekends spent with his family and friends. Another chapter talked about the origins of the names of days of the week.  Waiting for the Weekend is such an informative book I wished I've read sooner. 

This cover reminds me of Ferris Bueller's Day Off scene where Ferris and his friends spent an afternoon at the Chicago Institute of Art. 

A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte by Georges Seurat (1884-1886) 

It's been a long time, now i'm blogging back here.

Wait! I'm not going to quote the whole of The Beatles' song for this post. That's a nice thing to do but there's far more interesting things to talk about.  

First, I forgot to share the usual list I share every month due to some things outside this space that I need to work on. Those things are as interesting and stimulating as writing blogposts, and I want to devote my time focusing on those real-life happenings.  

Second, just because I don't constantly update this space doesn't mean I stopped writing at all. It's actually the complete opposite because purchasing fountain pen inks re-ignited my childhood habit of writing. Currently, I'm trying my best to improve my cursive handwriting- a practice I stopped doing since I was 14.

2 inks I bought a few months ago: Diamine Oxford Blue and Rohrer and Klinger Alt Goldgrun

Third,  which is again in relation to writing, I got a new notebook dedicated to my daily ramblings. As much as  I want to make the whole journaling thing easier by going digital, my typing speed is pretty slow. My typing speed can't keep up with the thoughts going on inside my head, so I really have to invest on a notebook just to keep my thoughts a little less cluttered. 

Fourth, a book assigned for a class I am currently attending reminded me of the song called Visions of Johanna. Several years ago, while I was on a vacation, I was so enthralled by the song that I can't wait to go home just so I can play the song non-stop. In a way, my vacation situation was kind of similar to the narrator's situation- he's with someone but still thinking about what he doesn't have. The lost or the one that is to come, we're not really sure which of the two. 

There's more to Visions of Johanna than a mere association to a place somewhere far from the city, though.  When I first heard the song, like most people who consider this song as their gateway to further musical or literary education, I felt the immense desire to write. I did not expect that a song could be this clear despite its hazy atmosphere, and I felt that the only way to make what I felt known is to create something as a response to the song. Thus, for a few months after discovering Visions of Johanna, I spent my days immersing myself to activities I enjoy. In a way, it was an exercise of reaching for my own Johannas despite the presence of things that constantly remind me of my limitations. The experience taught me about handling my limitations and the need to understand how our vulnerabilities reveal so much about our own nature. Such a great song! 

Going Idyllic

 

    When I was thinking of a makeup peg to try, I was keen to find someone whose skin complexion matches mine. Although there are numerous Filipino celebrities that have the same complexion as I have, I noticed that their makeup looks are too difficult for my mediocre makeup skills. All the eyeshadow looks and the highlighter thing overwhelm me to the point of giving up. Again, I want to minimise the time I spend on doing my makeup and I want to stick to that goal.  To cut the story short, my search for a new makeup peg led me to look for Filipino paintings for inspiration.

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    I discovered Fernando Amorsolo, not through his works, but through the street named after him. My childhood days were filled with conversations about the street close to where we live. For a while, I thought Amorsolo was just a random street name until I saw a statue of him in ... you guessed it right, Amorsolo St. Seeing that statue was when I realised that Amorsolo was a man's name- to be exact, a painter's name. But it wasn't this discovery that made me an admirer of his works. My appreciation for his works began when I was beating the blues one afternoon inside the halls of Yuchengco Museum. To occupy my mind with things other than the blues, I took notes of everything I've observed from his works- a very museum thing to do. Anyway, that was the first time I became really interested to look at paintings because I used to just look at paintings for several seconds and move on to the next one. (I guess that's one of the pitfalls of going to museums, there's so much to look at that our brains can't keep up. Sorry brains.) 

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    Amorsolo's works are known for its idyllic interpretation of Filipino life in the countryside. It's kind of similar to the idea of cottagecore expect that his works were made several decades before cottagecore even became a thing. Just like the cottagecore trend, where people dress in flowy outfits and live a very quiet life, the works of Amorsolo showcase the same qualities. His works would make you want to leave the city and live peacefully somewhere far and away from the noise of it. Sadly, the countryside life depicted in his works are far from reality, which is another point of discussion, so I'll just leave everything here.

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    Making this blogpost, I learned that throughout his career, Amorsolo painted lots of women whose facial features are similar to that of an ordinary Filipina. When I was searching for his work to include for this post, I did not feel alienated because the Filipinas of his works look like me. Furthermore, the women of Amorsolo's idyllic countryside had minimal makeup look with emphasis on the cheeks and glowing complexion- two things I love about makeup.

For this makeup peg, I want to focus on the placement of the blush which is one of my struggles since I tend to place it on parts of my face that don't complement to my face's shape.  Second, I want to try and recreate the women's minimal brow look- a little different from my previous makeup peg's emphasis on brows. As for the lips, I will stick to a pink or nude lip color so as not to overpower the blush.

Notes from June

    Hello from your monthly dose of lists. I'm currently listening to Kate Bush's The Whole Story which is a great album for Kate Bush starters except that the version of Wuthering Heights included in this album features a matured Kate Bush singing about the laments of a ghost. If you prefer a more creepy version singing ghost, I suggest you go and listen to the 1979 version of the song. Thank you very much. 

    June 2021 was ok- watching music documentaries, reading books and others. There's one thing however that made the month a little challenging for my decision- making skills. Recently,  I rediscovered the wonderful world of fountain pens and, as much as I want not to spend a penny on fountain pens, I caved in to the temptation and bought several Diamine Inks. This is the first time I tried Diamine inks and the brand instantly became my favourite. As much as I want to hoard Diamine Inks, I don't want to keep inks I won't use. Nonetheless, these new fountain pen inks will surely motivate me to spend more time writing even the miniscule details of my day. 

    Now, let's get into the business of enumerating the usual things. This time, let's start with books. For the first 2 days of the month, I read Siobhan Curham's Dear Dylan. To clarify, the book's not about Bob Dylan, ok. The novel's actually far from any Bob Dylan references. On a more serious note, I did not expect the book to discuss domestic violence.

    Reading the novel and thinking about the character's experiences, I can't help but feel sad that not much has changed since the publishing of this book. When you search for domestic violence on Google, there are several articles that reported the co-relationship between the lockdown and the rise of domestic violence cases worldwide. This reality made the whole situation twice difficult for victims since most of them do not have access to authorities and people who can help them. Overall, I find the book mature for its intended audience ( young-adult readers) but nevertheless, it did a great job in raising awareness about a very pressing topic that most people can relate with.

    Another book I read this month is Tim Bradford's The Groundwater Diaries. The book explores the lost rivers of London and the urban development of the capital. While reading this book, I found similarities between London and Manila. Like London, Manila once had smaller rivers now lost due to the rapid development of the city. All the alterations we do to our geography will affect us in a way or another. One result of our alterations to our geography is the flooding we experience in Manila especially during the rainy season. Although it's a burden we've pretty much learned how to carry, it still calls for a more long-term and sustainable solutions. 

The Groundwater Diaries' book cover is the main reason why I bought it; reminds me of Grant Snider's Incidental Comics.

   Reading the book was an entertaining experience that I sent an email to the author to express how much I enjoyed reading his book. To my surprise, I received a reply from the author who said that the book belongs to a specific genre called "psychogeography". Psychoegeography focuses on the relationship between geography and a person's well-being. This whole psychogeography thing makes me want to look for a book that contextualises the idea to Philippine cities. I hope to find one and will definitely update you of my progress. 

    Speaking of updates, I am interrupting this blog post to provide you with an update as to what I'm listening whilst typing this post.  I am now listening to France Gall's obscure German songs. Track no. 5 is a prophetic song about computers and dating, just in case you're curious.

    Back to our monthly list, I watched 2 episodes of Ricky Gervais' Derek several nights ago. I originally wanted to watch the The Office UK but I can't find it on Netflix, so I settled for another Ricky Gervais show. I don't know how the British classify their shows, but in the Philippines, this kind of show would be classified as a documentary (minus that one character because our country's still conservative). The premise of this show is too realistic to be classified as comedy or drama. Even his show After Life is too serious and dreary to be considered as comedy, no wonder they don't show British comedy shows here in the Philippines. 

    Enough of the British comedy and Ricky Gervais shows since I also did other things such as spending the early days of the month watching music documentaries on Netflix. The first one the list is Elvis Presley: The Searcher.  As someone who knows nothing about Elvis Presley besides his 70s outfits and the songs from Lilo & Stitch, the documentary provided a helpful explanation as to why people consider him as The King of Rock 'n Roll. The documentary also provided  the context of American society during the late 1950s and how that kind of atmosphere made way for artists like Elvis Presley to hit the airwaves. I can't say that the documentary turned me into an Elvis fan, but I'd say that it did help me in appreciating his songs.

    Second on the list is Echo in the Canyon.  Like the previous documentary, Echo in the Canyon told of the story of the musical landscape during the mid-1960s California. California in the mid-1960s produced well-known bands that helped in defining the youth culture of the decade. Prior to watching music documentaries, I never really thought that geography influences the kind of sounds that people make. Thanks to music documentaries, I'm beginning to see the application of pyschogeography in people's activities.

    As for the songs, I can't remember most of the songs I listened to this month because I spent less time listening to albums, which made remembering song titles easier since I tend group songs as part of a whole. Anyway, I never thought how chill it is not to listen to all songs of an album. No matter which way you listen to songs, the whole experience remains the same- inspiring and enthralling.

    And there, my friend, is where I'll leave you for this month's edition of this series. Have nothing much to say except that I'm listening to Townes Van Zandt's Live at the Old Quarter while finishing this post. 

    

3 Makeup Goals for the next 6 months

Spending time understanding my relationship with makeup products is one of the things I'm glad to discover during the first half of this year. What started as an attempt to minimise my stash turned into a serious attempt to be more conscious of what I buy and what I put on my face. Thus, in today's post, I want to share my makeup goals for the next 6 months. 

Pan some of my makeup items

    For this goal, I want to focus on makeup items that are about to expire by December 2021. These makeup items include powders I have since last year and a mascara I bought several months ago. Although I'm confident to pan my powders before December, I'm worried that I'll have difficulty in using my mascara before it reaches its expiration date. 

    Mascaras are known for its shot shelf life, and since I rarely wear mascara, I'm planning to not purchase any mascaras in the future. Instead of mascara, I'm planning to just curl my lashes and leave my lashes as is.

Only buy 3 makeup products

    I also want to limit the number of makeup items that I'll purchase since I want to allocate my money on more important things. Of the three goals, I know that this goal will be the most difficult to achieve since makeup brands are constantly releasing new makeup collections. I'm actually beginning to think that makeup brands are slowly turning into fast fashion brands in terms of the number of collections they release every season.

    Anyway, the temptation to buy new makeup items is hard to resist especially when people are raving about it. It's hard to resist the urge to try what the other person says as the most pigmented in the market. I've been in several situations during the last 6 months when I almost bought an eyeshadow palette and several lip tints because I kept on seeing makeup reviews on Youtube. Thankfully, there were work tasks that kept me occupied. 

2 down, 1 to go

   As of today, I already bought a skin tint and a lip product. The skin tint I got is from Blk Cosmetics. Although I mentioned in my previous posts that I don't use any makeup base, I bought this tint because I want to cover the redness on my face sans the heaviness of foundations. Prior to buying this, I was contemplating on whether I should go for this or the Issy & Co. tint which looks promising. However, I opted for the Blk tint since it's the brand that has kiosks at malls near our place. Although it can be quite inconvenient to buy makeup products in stores than online, buying makeup items in store allows me to try and test the product before buying it. It saves money since I will get the shades that really match my skin tone.

     As for the lip product, I was contemplating on whether I should buy this Happy Skin Tint or a Romand velvet tint. I've read a ton of great reviews for the Romand lip tint. The brand also offers a wider variety of shades. The only thing that kept me from buying the Romand velvet tint was the lack of a physical store that could've allowed me to swatch the velvet tints.  Again, the decision to go for Happy Skin stems from my personal choice of swatching the products before buying it. 

    And just like that, I was able to check 2 boxes on my 3 makeup item rule. Whatever will be the last makeup item that I'll buy for this year, I hope that I'll buy it for all the right reasons. 

Find make-up looks as my peg

    The quest to look for a makeup peg still continues for a number of reasons:

1. A makeup peg allows me to enjoy using the makeup items on my stash;
2. Having a makeup peg is an exercise on temperance, innovation, and creativity; and
3. Having a makeup peg saves so much of time because it minimises the time I spend on overthinking.

As much as I want to say that Francoise Hardy will be my makeup peg for the rest of the year, I know that I need to be more creative and look for other makeup pegs to try. Someone who has the same complexion as mine is a factor to take note of.  Another, in case I can't find someone whose complexion matches mine, is that the makeup look should be easy to do. 

Notes from May

Hello! As always, this blog post is dedicated to things I discovered and enjoyed this month. To give you a quick summary of the month, I am glad to report that things were pretty chill this month. I had the chance to go back to things I thought I'll be giving up, while still having the time to allow new activities to be part of my daily routine. 

Music

1. The Operation (Charlotte Gainsbourg)- I discovered this song after spending hours listening to Pulp songs. Jarvis, Pulp's frontman, wrote this song for Charlotte Gainsbourg's album. The album, which is called 5:55,  reminds me of Francoise Hardy's later albums especially in terms of its mood. I know that if I listened to this album 5 years ago, I won't appreciate it. Luckily, I'm not stuck at being 18 forever. Back to the song, I always imagine this song as one of those romantic songs for morbid nerds. As someone who likes Sherlock, I think that this song is perfect for that show.

2. I Want To See The Bright Lights Tonight (Richard and Linda Thompson)- In order to understand how I found this album, let me take you to one of the songs on my playlist... Richard Thompson's 1952 Vincent Black Lightning. I remember adding that song on my playlist several months ago when I was into Fairport Convention's Liege and Lief.  So one evening, I gave 1952 Vincent Black Lightning a listen and discovered that it's singer made several albums with his then-wife.  Since then, I Want to See The Bright Lights Tonight instantly became my go-to album whenever I spend time reading. Linda Thompson's voice is so beautiful and emotional. It seems as if her voice is a time capsule that instantly takes you to a specific time and place far from home.

3. Hokey Pokey (Richard and Linda Thompson)- This another album from Richard and Linda, although not as great as the first album, still has wonderful songs I listen to along with the songs from the first album. One song from this album which I love is the track called A Heart Needs A Home. My favourite version features the duo performing it live. All I can say is that it's not everyday that the world is blessed with an emotional performance like that one. 

4. Taste It EP ( Jake Bugg)- Although Jake Bugg released a new song this 2021, I'm still a big fan of his 2012-2013 songs. This month, I discovered the tracks from his Taste It EP and I wish they add those tracks on Spotify. Two songs I like from this EP are: Kentucky and Love Me the Way You Do. I also watched some live performance of Jake Bugg on Youtube taken during this period and I was amazed because his live performances sound better than the studio versions.

5. Various versions of Chuck Berry's Memphis, Tennessee- My current fascination with the different versions of the song Memphis, Tennessee began after seeing Jarvis Cocker's video performing the song. Although I've seen this track before on one of The Beatles' album, I never really gave so much thought about it.  I guess that happens all the time- appreciating what's around us takes times. My favourite versions include: Chuck Berry's , The Beatles', and The Animals'. 

6. Every Grain of Sand (Bob Dylan)- Who knew that being stuck in traffic brings an existential awakening?  I began to appreciate this song while we were in the middle of traffic. I was looking at the cars moving on the other side of the expressway when I started to appreciate the reality of being part of something bigger/ greater than the totality of my existence. 

7. Forest (Lee Seung Gi)- This mini-album was recommended to me by a classmate several years ago. That classmate, who became the receiving end of my daily Lee Seung Gi story time,  told me to listen to a track from this mini-album. Since then, this became a staple every time I want to relieve that past or when I want to spend my afternoon in solitude. 

Podcasts

1. Radio 4's Bob Dylan programs- Thank God for Radio 4. It's one of my favourite radio stations ever.  I think I could spend the whole hour just talking about the reasons why I love that radio station, but that's for another time, sorry. This month, BBC Radio 4 prepared programs in celebration of Bob Dylan's 80th birthday. As a bobcat-a term I discovered just recently- their programs were insightful, funny and very relatable. My favourite program would have to be the radio drama called Dinner with Dylan. It just felt nice hear a radio drama about bobcats enthusiastically sharing their favourite Bob Dylan albums and songs. 

2. Albion's Seed and An Ethnic History  of America- This podcast episode discusses a comprehensive summary of  the book Albion's Seed: Four British Folkways in America by David Hackett Fischer. I wanted to read the book however I was intimidated because it's a 900-page book. I don't think I have the energy to read a very long book. Back to the podcast episode, it discusses important points from the book and the relationship these points to the present landscape of USA. 

Movies/ Series/Documentaries

1. Random Documentaries on Youtube-I don't know what to say about the random documentaries I saw on Youtube this month. Like the usual, these documentaries served as my background sound while doing other activities. But more than its "background music" purpose, these random documentaries provided new sets of information that I could use in the future. For example, there's this documentary I saw which discusses the history of makeup in Great Britain. I never finished the documentary but the first 20 minutes revealed that women in the past used dangerous products to achieve rosy cheeks. 

Books

1. Persuasion (Jane Austen)- After almost a month of not reading the rest of the novel, I finally found the time to finish this romantic novel. I know I'll be rereading this book sometime in the future to better understand the little details mentioned in the book I did not understand due to my limited English skills. As for Jane Austen's other novels, I'm not really sure if I'll read them soon since there are other books that I'm interested to read. 

2. High Fidelity (Nick Hornby)- This is probably the funniest book I've read since January. It's a book for  music nerds and for those who simply want to discover books, movies and songs. As for its plot, I'd say that it provides a glimpse to the complicated maze called relationships. And when I say relationship, it's not limited to romantic relationships. Reading the character's experiences, I can't help but think of my own relationships with family, friends, and workmates, and how challenging it is to form connections to other people. Sometimes you look at people and wonder how they manage to make things work. But then what you don't see is the struggle that they probably experienced or are experiencing to get to the point where they are at the moment. In other words, the novel is a reminder to anyone not to be so self-centred. 

3. Murder on the Orient Express (Agatha Christie)- My introduction to the world of Agatha Christie and Hercule Poirot. I have this book since 2019 though I never really gave this a try because I was overwhelmed with the idea of reading a crime novel. To me, crime novel involves a lot of processing and that's not what I tend to look for when reading for fun. Surprisingly, I loved reading the deductions of Monsieur Poirot and the alibis of the other characters. If there's one thing I realised while reading this, it is that writing a crime novel surely takes a lot of thinking and planning. P.S- I loved sniffing my copy because it still smells new.  

Makeup Flat lay # 1 (May 2021)

Makeup Products: Essence Mattfying Compact Powder, Essence Make Me Brow Eyebrow Mascara, Fashion 21 Mascara, Carmex Lip balm, BLK Creamy All-over Paint

    Looking at minimal makeup flat lays inspired me to do my own. There's just something soothing about makeup flat lays. In a way, it's an insouciant way to show someone's personality without trying too much. Looking at other people's makeup flat lays will give you an idea about the makeup up items that people swear by. It could also be a great way to discover new products. To be honest, I find looking at ordinary people's makeup preferences to be more helpful than watching reviews of beauty gurus on Youtube. 

    Back to the flat lay, this shows the products that I'm currently using for the month of May. True to what I mentioned in my previous post about summer makeup, I still use Francoise Hardy's makeup looks as my summer beauty inspiration. This time however, I used lesser makeup items because the summer heat's getting worse. 

    First, I abandoned using concealer because even that feels uncomfortable especially when it's super hot. These days, i just use a compact powder to mattify my face. As for my eyes, I just use eyebrow gel and mascara. However, I only use these products when I need to look more put together. On most days, I don't bother to use my mascara since it's water proof and it feels heavy. For my lips and my cheeks, I'm currently using a multi-purpose product. This product works great for cheeks and for lips since it's lightweight and the colour's perfect for summer. 

Film Photography Diaries # 1

      

    Last year, I got myself a 35mm in the hopes of using it for an overseas trip. The camera is a secondhand Nikon RD2- my first Nikon camera.The  overseas trip did not push through so this camera, which I fondly call Paul- after a Paul Simon song, stayed in our shelf for a year.  I even forgot its existence until my sister borrowed it. 

    Anyway, these are the photos I took when I used the camera for the very first time. It was only this year that I got the chance to use it, so it was a delight to see that the results are beautiful.  Compared to my SLR film camera, I prefer using this since I'm still to master how manual camera works. I can't commit myself to use my manual camera and waste film rolls. Wasting resources is a big NO NO. 

    As for my film, I used a cheap black and white film called Shanghai GP3 Pan 100 I bought online. It's my first time using a black and white film, and although there were limitations when using black and white film, it's a good option when creating a story through photos. Black and white films make scenes a little more sombre than coloured films, and that's something I'll take into consideration the next time I'll use a black and white film.

Reassessing Fearless

  Several months ago, the announcement of the release of Fearless (Taylor Version) got me super excited. I was initially contemplating on pre-ordering a vinyl, however, I began wondering if having one would do me any good. 

    The truth is, as much  as I want to have a copy of her sophomore album and sing my heart out, buying the album for the sake of nostalgia is not a sound reason to purchase one. After all, I'm done with my Taylor Swift phase. I still listen to her songs, ok, but it feels as if listening to her songs is listening to someone else's favourite singer, not mine.

    The realisation about the end of my Taylor Swift phase led me to write this blog post where I'll share how I see Fearless now that I'm in my early 20s. I'm excited to share this because I know that I'll probably cringe at my younger me and question where in the world I got my teenage POV. At the same time, this is also exciting because, despite the cringe worthy stuff I'll unearth about my younger self, this will also be a reflection of how my experiences changed my perspective about love- the album's main theme.

1. You Belong With Me

    I used to really love this song because it has a very cute music video. As someone who can relate to the studious Taylor Swift character, it gave me this tiny hope that the cutest or the smartest guy will like me too. Sorry to inform you but that's not always the case. It turns out, the cutest guy wanted me to be his group mate while the smartest guy did not want me at all.

    Also, isn't it weird to compare yourself to someone and consider yourself as more deserving to be a guy's significant other just because you know his favourite songs? I mean, there's so much more going on in a relationship, and knowing your crush's favourite song, though sweet and thoughtful, is not the sole basis for a relationship to work. You can see someone's potential, know their favourite songs,  but still remain friends.

2. Fifteen

    Just recently, I was working on a project when this song finally made sense. Back in high school, I associated this song to a movie we were watching during one of our classes. The movie is a romantic comedy intended for teenagers who were having their first crushes. 

    I tried rewatching the movie last month and sadly, the movie did not age well. It's cute, yes, but as a young adult, I realised that not all high school relationships stand the test of time. When I was young, I was very much like the song's narrator: " I'd  gonna marry my high school crush someday." However, I realised, thanks to this song, that there's more to my life than my high school crush- " I realised I have some bigger dreams." As much as I want my high school crush to see what I've become, I know that our lives will never cross paths anymore and that's perfectly ok. Life's like that anyway.

    Compared to You Belong With Me, this song is something I'll still listen to because it's lessons are still applicable. My present-self see this song, not just one about crushes and dreams, but also about being rational when it comes to relationships- not giving everything to someone who would change his mind eventually.

3. Hey Stephen

    If I had the talent to write songs, I'm certain that my younger-self would've written songs similar to Hey Stephen. This is the kind of songs that young girls would write to their crushes- professing their admiration and the great lengths they'll partake to show how much they admire their crushes. In general, this is a feel good song about liking someone.

    Now that I'm older, I smile whenever I hear this song. This remains to be as one of my favourite Taylor Swift songs because it's a testament of what a person would do to show their admiration to someone they like or look up to. I used to see this as a romantic song, but now I think this song is also applicable to a person who inspires us to be better. Before, I used to think that when someone inspires you, it automatically means you love them and you'll end up together. I learned later on that inspiration and love are two different things. Like I mentioned earlier, you can see someone's potential, admire what they do, and still not pursue romantic relationship with that person.

4. You're Not Sorry

    This song, like Fifteen, is one of the songs I'll still listen to. I see this song as a reminder for everyone out there not to allow anyone to treat you like a rug. This lesson is not just applicable to romantic relationships since platonic relationships can be toxic and unhealthy as well. During my teenage years, due to my lack of social skills, I used to accept whatever kind of treatment I got from people. I thought that's how you get to have friends- by allowing them to do whatever they  want. The thing is, my younger self found it really hard to let go of unhealthy relationships because I thought I'll end up alone. Turns out, keeping them close did not change a thing or two about the loneliness I was feeling. Again, Thank God for ageing.

    Overall, Fearless is one of those albums that defined my teenage years. However, like I mentioned earlier, although there are songs from the album that I'll still listen to, I will not, like my younger self, look at relationships based on the songs from this album. Sometimes, I feel so grateful that ageing is a thing- it allows humans to grow up and realise that there are things from their youth that are not as rose-colored as songs describe them.

Notes from April

    In one of the journal entries I did four years ago, I wrote how April is always the most interesting of my summer months. Fast forward to April 2021, I'd say that my previous sentiment about April remains to be true. Unlike March and May, I noticed that I feel really productive and motivated to do a lot of things during the month of April. As much as I want my productivity and motivation to be equally distributed per month, life doesn't work that way. So instead of whining about it, I might as well enjoy this 30-day blessing by writing about the things I discovered (and rediscovered) this month.

Music

1. Rolling in the Deep
2. Don't Let Him Waste Your Time
3. The Rutles 
4. He Never Mentioned Love
5. Fire and Rain
6. Muswell Hillbilly
7. I'm A Dreamer
8. Paths of Victory

Movies/ Series/Documentaries

1. The Ripper- This Netflix documentary series recalls the story of the Yorkshire Ripper who killed around 13 women in Northern England during the late 1970s. As always, the topics of Netflix documentaries are diverse and interesting. 
2. Monty Python and The Holy Grail- This movie never fails to make me laugh and as a result, I spent several afternoons watching this movie over and over. What I like about this movie is that it was based on the legend of King Arthur.  As someone who likes to nerd about the Medieval Europe,  the scenes were funny to watch. Some scenes even look realistic, it makes you think about the lives of ordinary people during the Medieval Period. 
3. The Rutles: All You Need is Cash- I discovered this movie thanks to my Monty Python afternoon sessions. This movie is a mockumentary about the The Beatles. As a Beatle fan, watching the movie was engaging because aside from watching them make fun of your favourite band, you're also looking for funny references.
4. Random TV Shows on Cable TV- It's been ages since the last time I spent my time watching random shows on cable tv. This activity used to occupy most of my time, especially when I was younger and I did not have my own computer and phone. The chance to discover interesting tv shows reminded me of how watching tv encouraged me to discover the world outside our house.This month, I enjoyed  watching the Mr. Bean Animated Series. I used to not like the animated series since I  prefer the live action series, but the newer episodes of the animated series were interesting. I never thought of Mr. Bean as an ingenious and kind character until I watched several episodes of the animated series. 

Books

1. Every Young Woman's Battle- I found this at our local BookSale one Monday morning. Despite some negative reviews on Goodreads, I enjoyed reading this book. I know some might not agree with the idea of sexual purity before marriage, but there's no denying that this book discussed important points to ponder especially when it comes to relationships. Actually, what I liked most about this book is that it encourages it readers to get a life of their own and not to anchor their happiness on someone else. 
2. Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis: The Untold Story- I'm yet to finish this book because I did not expect this biography to be long. So far, I enjoyed reading this book because it gives the readers an idea about the lives of American aristocrats during the 1930s to 1950s. In a way, the book somehow reminds me of the character from Taylor Swift's The Last Great American Dynasty. 
3. Persuasion- I started reading this after discovering a fanfiction loosely inspired by this book. I'm yet to finish this book since I struggle with how the sentences were written since it's not everyday that I read classic books. Despite the challenge of reading Persuasion, what I like about this book is that it serves as a crash course on English society.
4. Stainless Longganisa- Reading this book wasn't intentional at all. I just reached for this book one morning when I had to go to a clinic for a check-up. While waiting, I began reading this book and was surprised because the book started with a short anecdote about pens. After reading several pages, I'd say that this book is a great for when you're waiting in line or spending an afternoon in the park. If people watching is not your thing, this book is a great alternative.

Three Summer Tales

    Growing up, I loved and loathed the summer season. Loved it because it was my time away from school and loathed it because I had to stay at home and amuse myself with things other than books and notebooks. Although summer activities were enticing, I always felt detached from them. I always wanted to spend my summer days somewhere, and not to do something.

    I used to spend my summer days looking at the sky and wondering about life somewhere else. The "somewhere else" depended on what I was feeling at the moment. Once, I imagined myself in Paris eating macarons and watching people at the riverbanks. The other summer, I was swimming in the middle of Atlantic ocean and wondering how to survive in case a boat capsizes. Summer thoughts somewhere far served as my escape from the idleness of my situation. 

    Now that I'm older and summer vacation is nothing but a souvenir from my younger years, I'm starting to crave for the "summer spirit" that used to make me go nuts. I never thought I'd be nostalgic about summer, but here I am now- writing about how ageing made me sentimental about the hot and sunny Philippine summers.

Summer # 1

    Once upon a time, it was a sunny Sunday morning of April when I saw my classmate attending the same Eucharistic celebration. I was around 13 years old when that happened and although I can't remember the colour of the shirt I was wearing, it was one of the memorable summer Sundays I had. It was during the time when Sundays used to make me melancholic about life. Thus, to see a classmate inside the church was comforting.

    I'm not entirely sure why seeing my classmate felt comforting. I guess it had to do with the fact that I miss going to school that seeing a person I associate with school made me a little emotional. Nevertheless, every time I feel overwhelmed whenever I am surrounded by many people, which happens when you're inside the church, I always try to calm myself by imagining someone I know seated somewhere. 

Summer # 2

    The summer after I graduated from high school was depressing. The thought of leaving behind a few friends made me unsure of what lies ahead. Coming from a small school and a sheltered background made it very difficult for me to adapt to the changes brought by my circumstances. To ease my anxiety, I discovered one of the books my aunt bought for us- Carol Weston' Melanie in Manhattan.

    Although the book was intended for middle school students, reading the journey of Melanie's life in New York City became the antidote to my anxiety. I was never interested about New York City, but that book convinced me to appreciate what the city has to offer- museums, pizzas, and different neighbourhoods. In a way, I'd like to consider this book as instrumental in encouraging me to learn more about the city. Last year, I read an autobiography of a city's native and my understanding of the city, thanks to Melanie in Manhattan, made the autobiography more interesting.

    Around the same time, I also received a sketchbook as a graduation gift. I initially wanted a pencil set, however I had no idea as to how to use pencils with different grades, so I settled with just a sketchbook. Since I can't draw, I used the sketchbook as my practice notebook for hand lettering and calligraphy. It became the start of annually summer sketchbook purchase. 

Summer # 3

    The annual summer extravaganza lasted until I started working. Instead of buying sketchbooks and practicing my hand lettering skills, my jump from being a student to being a working individual shifted my priorities to purchasing notebooks for my random ramblings. These days, I indulge myself with documentaries about monarchies and reflections about the extraordinariness of mundane things.

     

Journal Scans from 2020

 Several weeks ago, I had the chance to scan my journal notebooks from 2020. These journal scans reflect, not just my thoughts about 2020, but the different styles and notebooks I tried last year. I'd like to think that this whole endeavour is nothing but a great adventure- you discover something and you learn new ideas. Of course, there were not so good experiences, but what matters, especially in hindsight, was that I had the opportunity to develop a deeper relationship with writing and self-reflection.

1. Limelight Journal 

    Originally, I planned to make this dotted notebook as my bullet journal for 2020. However, when March began, I transformed this notebook as my Journal Notebook. Because I did not plan to use this as my journal notebook, I kind of struggled with the space since the notebook is bigger than the notebooks I usually use for my journals. It's one of the things I learned from this journal that I now apply every time I look for notebooks. Too much space is not my kind of ideal notebook.  

    As you can see on the scanned pages below, I experimented with different styles and decorations by using different colours of pens.The style is very cute and childish since I originally planned to deviate from my usual journaling styles- minimal and muted. Also, I got the inspiration for these entries from instagram accounts I used to follow. Although instagram inspirations are nice, you'll find out later how it also ruined my sense of self especially when it comes to my journals.

2. Lined Notebook

    This second notebook is a lined notebook I got from my friend, Sophia. She gave this to me around 2 years ago as a Christmas gift. Back then, we used to fangirl over a show, and she told me to use this notebook as a space where I can write fanfic ideas. Although it was nice to write stories, I used this notebook to write random things instead. Most of the things I wrote here were ideas I can't write on my journals such as late-night thoughts or random realisations while listening to my favourite songs.

    Despite the more laidback approach I used on this notebook, this is actually my most favourite of the three. The thing I learned from this notebook is to not take journaling very seriously. Sometimes, too much aesthetic inspiration and goals deviate us from the real purpose of why we are doing what we are doing. Following aesthetic goals, especially when it comes to journaling, I realised, is actually restrictive because it pressures me to follow a certain set of ideals for my work to be appreciated. Kind of pretentious if you'll ask me since the primary reason why I write is to write for myself, and not to write for somebody else. 

    The pressure of instagram inspiration is what forced me to delete my account and abandon my limelight journal for several months. As much as I appreciated instagram journal inspirations, I was pressured to have the same vibe/ aesthetic. To make things easier for me, I just deleted my instagram account and never looked back. 

3. Traveler's Notebook Refills

    As I mentioned in one of my previous post, using this notebook came as a surprise since I never really thought of using this again.  Also, I was already comfortable with doing laidback entries to go back and do decorative journal entries.  However, the art of the album called The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan inspired me to give this notebook and decorative journal entries a second chance. 

    Surprisingly, I enjoyed going back to the style that I'm very much familiar with. Vintage-inspired journal isn't just my comfort zone, but this kind of journal design was what I used to make when I began documenting my life around 5 years ago. Doing these entries feel like bringing all things back home- my inspirations, dreams, and love for writing. 

As for my 2021 Journals

    Of the three, it's the Limelight Journal that I've decided to not use for 2021. I initially wanted to continue using the journal since I bought another one last year. Sadly, since the start of the year, I only did 2 entries on my Limelight journal. I guess sometimes you just really have to accept that some things don't work out no matter how much effort and time you're willing to compromise to make things work- a life lesson I learned from Blood on the Tracks.

    As for the other notebooks, I'm happy to report that I still use them. In fact, I'm excited because I've already used 75% of the lined notebook's pages. I can't wait to look for another notebook to serve as my repository of random thoughts and observations because that means new opportunity to find love and happiness. As for my Traveler's Notebook Refills, I currently using a refill from a different brand. I'll probably write about it soon. 

Point Zero # 2 : America by First Aid Kit

This is Point Zero. In this series I will go back to  songs that furthered my musical education. Each blog post will discuss the roads that led me to discover some of my favourite artists and groups. This series will also reminisce the good old days coupled with some reflections along the way. 

    It was December 2018- my first Christmas as a working individual. In my line of work, the Christmas season is a stressful yet a very exciting part of the year. There are deadlines to meet before the Christmas break, but there are also several Christmas parties and gatherings to attend to. Foods and gifts are every where, it's so overwhelming.

    

    Out of all the foods, gifts, and the whatnots, what I like most about the Christmas season is the 2-week Christmas break. This 2-week break is an opportunity for everyone to go back to their senses and spend time with their loved ones. As for me, there were times during my Christmas break when I would go to shopping malls 2 days before Christmas just to watch people and amuse myself with Christmas displays. When I can't go somewhere, because I feel so overwhelmed with all the Christmas preparations, I would just spend hours watching videos or just writing stuff on my journal. The good all times.

    

    Since I began working 3 years ago, it's always the Christmas break of 2018 that I consider as the most memorable. I can still vividly remember how I spent my 2018 Christmas break watching my favourite Sherlock episode (The Abominable Bride) and gushing over First Aid Kit's version of a classic Simon & Garfunkel song called America.  Thankfully, whenever I feel nostalgic and want to relieve that specific period of my life, Youtube is just a click away.

    

    Prior to discovering First Aid Kit's version of America, I was already familiar with the Simon & Garfunkel's version. America is one of the first S&G song I discovered and it instantly became my favourite song from the duo. I always saw that song as a coming-of-age song- that one song to play when things are uncertain and you're starting to feel unsure of yourself and the path ahead of you. While I was reviewing for the board exams around June- July of 2018, I used to listen to that song over and over. It became some sort of a gentle reminder that if ever I'll flunk the board exam, I can still retake it the next year. I did not flunk the exam- thankfully- but I must admit I was totally scared when I was waiting for the board exam results.

    Back to First Aid Kit's version, it wasn't a "love at first sight" kind of relationship. I must admit I was hesitant to give their version a try because I love S&G's version.I rarely give cover versions a try especially when I'm already satisfied with the original versions, but what convinced me to listen to their version was my curiosity about the song's meaning. I wondered if the meaning of America will change if it is sung by female singers.

     

    It did change the meaning of the song for me. The song felt closer because it was comforting to hear female signers singing about something I can relate to. The thing is, as a young adult, it feels difficult to be in a situation where you don't know what you're going to do with your life. Three years ago, aside from the board exam results, I was really struggling with my first job- how I'm going to manage my finances and balance my time. The challenges of university life seemed smaller compared to the new challenges of being a worker, and to hear female singers telling you that you're not the only one stuck in that same situation- because everyone is -  was comforting. Although it did not entirely changed my situation, I felt a little less pressured about figuring things out. 

    

    The romantic aspect of this song- its lack of resolution- is a poignant reminder of the truth about our life's endeavours and adventures. We meet people, we plan our adventures with them, but like time, they'll slip away from us. At the end of the day, we have our own adventures to embark on, and we have to go through these adventures bringing with us the knowledge that the people we encounter along the way, although will help us discover ourselves, will not join our adventures forever. 

    Another life lesson from this song is about our relationship with our friends, families and lovers. Although it wasn't that emphasised in First Aid Kit's version, the song is actually a story of a young couple traveling their way to a new place and searching for their life outside their comfort zones. Towards the end of the song though, as a listener, you'll begin to wonder if the young couple will continue the adventure together. The adventure was an eye-opener for the lovers- especially for the narrator who realised that despite the comforts of being with a lover, the loneliness and emptiness of life still lingers. 

    

Geeking out over Makeup

 I never really thought of the wonders of makeup until this year. In the past, I used to feel really frustrated with makeup- it's a skill I can't get the hang of.  The fact that there's a lot of products available in the market makes makeup shopping overwhelming for me. Prior to the pandemic, I used to spend hours in the mall just thinking about which of the many makeup items I should buy. Most of these trips were frustrating because I always ended up buying products I never needed. 

    Staying at home for most of 2020 allowed me to have all the time to really think about my purchases- makeup purchases included. Surprisingly, the things that used to be so important lost their sparkle and relevance. I guess that's the wonder of being in a different environment- it forces you to reflect on your life decisions and allows you to trim down all the unnecessary things in your arsenal.

    In my case, I discovered that I don't need 75% of the makeup items I own. What makes it worse is the fact that I don't know how to dispose these items. How are you going to dispose items that you barely used? It pains to throw them out when someone somewhere could use it. But to whom should I give these items? By applying the "begin with the end in mind" mindset, I realised it's easier to prevent yourself from overspending when you know it'll make disposing decisions mentally challenging. To be honest, thinking about my makeup items in dumpsites and adding to the world's current garbage problem is scarier than feeling bad I don't have a new makeup product in my collection.

    I guess it also helps to keep pictures of people who wear less makeup but are still confident with who they are. By looking at these people, I began to develop a different perception about makeup and beauty. I realised that the purpose of makeup in my life is not to change my facial features, but to enhance what I have. Makeup should be an extension of who I am- how I see myself and how I want other people to see me. Makeup should make me feel good and not the other way around. 

    For this summer, I'll be using Francoise Hardy pictures as my makeup inspiration. For years, I've been an admirer of her early and mid-60s makeup looks. During my teenage years, I used to copy her signature eyeliner look but I abandoned my attempt after realising that winged liner doesn't look good on me. Now, I just try to achieve her no-makeup look by taking its essential characteristics and tweak it to suit my features and preferences.

Francoise's clean makeup look is perfect for the season because Philippine summer is so hot, you'll get sweaty in an instant. With that in mind, I've decided not to use foundation or tinted moisturiser on my face- I'll spot conceal instead. I will also use summer friendly colours on my lips and cheeks to achieve the summer glow Francoise is sporting on her pictures. Because Francoise's complexion is different from mine, I changed my cheek and lip colours to something that'll complement with my complexion.  

Although I'll be staying at home for most of the summer season, I'm still looking forward to opportunities that would allow me to apply this makeup look. This is an exciting endeavour I can't wait to explore and geek out in the future. Actually, I'm already looking forward to makeup looks to achieve in the coming months- that's how excited I am. 

 

Film Photos From 2019

Quick note: I've been posting random bits on this blog since 2016. This 2021, I'll use this blog to dump random photos from my cameras and phone. 

It took 2 years and a pandemic for this film to see the light. These photos were taken around August- September 2019.  Looking at these photos solidified my decision to spend more time this summer understanding the sorcery behind manual cameras. 

This was taken at a Bingsu store somewhere in Makati.

I'm surprised to find this photo since it was only last year when this album became a favourite. In the past, I never really gave much thought about this except for 2 love songs found on its Side A and its captivating album cover.  

This is an album cover of a  song I was watching on youtube. 

Scenes from a walkway in Makati. How I see without my eyeglasses.